Butt Baby From Santa: An Alpha Omega Mpreg Christmas Romance Satire Read online

  Butt Baby From Santa

  A Male Pregnancy Romance Satire

  Lita Hawkward Bates

  Copyright © 2019 by Lita Hawkward Bates

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  1

  JD

  I fold up the last onesie from the package and put it in the wicker basket. Along with all the other gifts I planned to be wrapping for Christmas for the baby I thought I was carrying. But unfortunately, it was another false alarm. Just like all the others.

  All this stuff will probably need to be donated at some point.

  According to the specialist we met with this afternoon, Phoenix is infertile. We both knew it was a possibility since he’s fifty-two and has never sired a child. But I’m in my prime baby-making years. At twenty-six, I’ve been holding out hope that his love for me would manifest into the baby I so desperately want, but clearly that wasn’t meant to be.

  I shove the basket inside the closet, along with everything else I need to distance myself from, and step out into the dark hallway.

  “Everything okay?” Phoenix is walking toward me and flicks on the hallway light. “You look upset.”

  “I’m fine.” I smile and slip my hands into my pockets. I hate lying to him, but I hate hurting him even more. “Just putting some things back in the closet...where they belong.”

  Phoenix sighs and pulls me into his arms. “I know you’re upset, sweetheart, but how about I get you a puppy? A Christmas puppy always makes things better.”

  A small smile creeps across my lips as I try to hold in my true sadness. I don’t want to make Phoenix feel bad about something he can’t control. But I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never carry a baby of my own. “Yeah, sure. That would be great.”

  Phoenix grins and covers my lips with his. “Anything you want, my sweet omega.”

  “Anything?” I reach down and feel his bulging alpha cock hardening beneath my fingers. “Even this?”

  “Especially that.” Even though he’s twice my age, he has no trouble getting or keeping an erection. He’s always ready go at the drop of a hat and can keep fucking me long after he’s unloaded his lifeless seed inside me. “Are you getting nice and wet for me?”

  “Always, alpha. I want you to knot me right here in the hallway. Up against the wall like we’re in a dark alley, between two dirty dumpsters, and we just can’t wait to get home.”

  “Fuck, J. You’re gonna regret you ever said that.”

  As he usually does when I need a rough touch, my alpha flips me around so my chest is pressed against the wall and yanks down my pants. My jeans and boxers are loose enough to fall straight down to my ankles without having to bother with belts or zippers. Lifting a bare foot out from the pile of fabric at my feet, I brace myself against the door frame to the bathroom. “Give it to me hard, alpha. Fuck me.”

  My man’s cock perfectly aligns with my opening as he presses against the pink rosebud. I love when he does that. It’s like he’s knocking for permission. My natural lubricant seeps out of my hole, coating his shaft with the perfect level of slickness to slide past the muscles of my anus without so much as needing a single stretch. My body was made for my alpha, and it’s always ready to accept his bounty.

  “You’re so tight, baby.” For several torturous minutes, he slowly rocks into me in long, even thrusts, tapping against my prostate with every pass.

  “Yes, Phoenix. Do me harder. Breed me.” I cringe when I realize what I’ve just said. It’s just a term, really. But now that we know it’s not possible for him to actually fill my belly with babies, it seems like an inappropriately cruel thing to say. “I mean, unload inside me, daddy. Give me everything you’ve got.”

  Wait. Is it okay to call him daddy? That also seems wrong now, but Phoenix reaches around and grabs my cock, stroking me until I’m spewing ribbons of thick and creamy come against the wall in front of me. I guess he wasn’t offended. “Yes, alpha. You make me feel so good.”

  When my bones are nothing more than a quivering pile of Jell-O in his arms, Phoenix finally allows himself to release his own climax. He grunts in my ear then wraps his arms around my waist to hold me steady.

  “There you go, baby. Daddy has what you need.” His knot begins to form inside me, stretching my opening and locking me to his body for the next twenty-five minutes. “That’s it, J. Take my big knot. Hold it in you while we rest right here against the wall.

  His chest is pressed to my back, sandwiching me to the cold stucco while my dick becomes glued to the paint with my own come. Suddenly, I need his lips on mine, massaging me with his moist pillows. I twist at the waist in a 93° angle and grab Phoenix by the neck. “Kiss me.”

  As if I truly am made of Jell-O, I’m almost face-to-face with my alpha when he kisses me hard on the mouth. His tongue dives into mine and does a little tango before pulling back. “I love you, JD Harper. And I promise to give you the baby you truly want.”

  “You mean a puppy?” I bite my lower lip and look up at him from beneath my long, thick lashes.

  “Yes, a puppy.” He rolls his eyes. “But also a baby. The human kind. If it’s the last thing I do.”

  2

  Phoenix

  I’ve been struggling to find the perfect gift for JD and a puppy is perfect. There’s a pet store in the mall with cages of adorable puppies just waiting to be opened up on Christmas morning by loving families who need a running, chewing, pooping, biting being in their home. Loving families like ours. It’s not the baby JD wants right now, but that will take a little more than a quick trip to the mall. That might require more of a miracle, but I don’t let that deter me from my plans.

  I still have a few days until Christmas and a lot can happen in a few days.

  “I’m going out.” JD walks through the family room, grazing my head with a kiss as he goes. “I picked up an extra shift at the cookie shop since the bakers with families are all taking time off this week.”

  “Drive careful, baby. And make sure to bring home some of those delicious Gingerbread men you bake so well.”

  JD laughs. “A policeman or a construction worker?” He smirks and raises an eyebrow at me. “Or do you want all The Village People tonight?”

  The LGBTQQIA bakery he works at does their own version of a nativity scene, complete with baby Cher and her sidekick Moses Bono. I just shrug. “Surprise me.”

  Little does he know, I’ve got a surprise planned for him. The first moment I knew I was in love with JD was when I was reading a paper he wrote for me in his Creative Writing class. He was in his second year of college but hadn’t decided on a major yet, so he was working his way through all the English classes.

  The story he wrote about falling in love and going on horse-drawn carriage rides through the park at Christmas painted such a beautiful picture. It was a children’s book, so he literally painted a picture of himself and an older alpha, one who looked deceptively like me, in a white carriage decorated in twinkling lights.

  In that moment, I knew I had to have him.

  I asked him out to dinner that night and so began our courtship. Well, courtship might be a strong word for it. I brought him back to my place and he went straight into heat, ready to give himself completely to me.

  I’d never been with an omega in heat like that before, and from everything I was t
old, that should have been enough to get him pregnant. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. And three years later, I still haven’t fulfilled any of my promises to JD.

  But that’s about to change.

  He’s such a good omega, working hard all day while keeping up the house at night. He deserves to have everything in life he wants. And I’m gonna give it to him.

  “Keep them closed.” I hold my hand over JD’s eyes as I guide him to the corner where we’re going to get on the carriage. “We’re almost there.”

  He’s walking slowly, clinging to my side as if I’m about to throw him off a bridge. “I don’t like surprises.”

  “You’ll like this one.” I finally uncover his eyes and watch his face light up when he realizes we’re standing in front of a beautiful carriage attached to six enormous Clydesdales.

  “You didn’t.” JD smacks my shoulder before jumping up and down. “Ohmigod! You did!” Lunging through the air, he lands in my arms, kissing me hard all over my face.

  I laugh and gently lower him to the ground. “Well, my sweet omega, your chariot awaits.”

  We climb inside and admire the view of the park and the holiday decorations for as far as the eye can see during our hour-long ride. When the carriage finally comes to a stop, we’re in front of the ice skating rink. “In the mood to go skating?”

  Again, JD’s jaw drops as he nods wildly. “Yes, yes, yes!” He hops out of the carriage and walks to the viewing area of the skating rink. He turns to me with glassy eyes and a frown on his adorable face. “But I think they’re closed.”

  “Not for us.” I waggle my eyebrows and take his hand, leading him to the ticket booth. “We’re here for the private event.”

  The lady behind the security glass turns on a flashlight to read a note then asks for my ID. Once she’s verified I’m the rightful event planner for tonight’s party for two, she unlocks the gate and we head inside.

  “You rented out the rink? That must have cost a fortune!” JD is naturally frugal because he’s been planning for a big family since we got together. But now that he’s not thinking of that anymore, he instantly changes his mind. “On second thought, we can’t take it with us when we die so...thank you, alpha.”

  I love when he calls me alpha. It’s a constant reminder that he’s choosing me to be the one and only man he spends the rest of his life with. “Anything for you, J.”

  3

  JD

  It’s been a long time since I’ve been on ice skates, but it all comes back to me pretty quickly. I’m often clumsy on the ground, but when I put on skates, it’s like my body channels Brian Boitano and I glide with grace and ease in every direction.

  Unfortunately, Phoenix isn’t quite so light on his feet. He hugs the railing for the first lap then ventures a foot deeper to attempt a lap without assistance. Unfortunately, he lands flat on his ass, and at his age, we have to worry about protecting his hips. So, he crawls back to the railing and attempts to get upright.

  To make matters worse, his white beard is in full growth mode and children keep referring to him as Santa. Normally, he likes the attention he gets this time of year. But with his less than impressive performance on the ice, I think he’s feeling a little self-conscious.

  “Can I help you?” I circle around and edge to a halt right in front of him. “Wait right here. I have an idea.”

  While he’s catching his breath, I ask the ice monitor to bring over a stack of cones to help Phoenix with his balance. They use these for little kids learning to skate, but my big alpha isn’t too proud to push ten stacked cones around on the ice if it means he gets to glide at my side. I’m so proud of him when he remains up right through the entire rendition of Santa Baby.

  “I love this song.” I cuddle into Phoenix’s side as we exit the ice and sit down on a bench to watch for a while.

  “Me too.” He wraps his arm around me, staring off into the abyss. “And it’s given me an idea.”

  “An idea for what?” I look up into his crystal blue eyes.

  My alpha places a soft kiss on my forehead. “Don’t worry about that right now, my sweet omega. If it works out, you’ll know soon enough.”

  “Mmm, a surprise?” I nibble on his ear, excited by the prospect of another gift in my future. “Can you give me a hint?”

  “No hints.” He unlaces his skates and points to a Hot Cocoa kiosk on the other end of the rink. “But I’ll get you an eggnog hot chocolate for being such a sweet boy.”

  I’ll settle for a drink now, but as soon as we get home, I’ll be expecting a different kind of reward from my alpha.

  On Christmas Eve morning, I sneak out of the house early and head to the Chevy dealership. Now that we aren’t planning a family, I decide to trade in the minivan I insisted on buying earlier this year for a Corvette. It’s not an even exchange, but the lease price is right and Phoenix is gonna love this car.

  He’s always wanted a Vette, and now I can give him one. Things at the bakery are going great, and we have a nice nest egg saved up for baby expenses. Now that we won’t ever have a baby to put through college, I can spend that money on whatever we want. And what I want is to buy my alpha the car of his dreams.

  Since I want the car to be a surprise for Christmas morning, I park it in the garage and make a note to tell Phoenix to stay out. Chances are good he won’t enter the garage at all between now and tomorrow morning, but just in case, I don’t want his gift to be prematurely blown.

  And I don’t plan to leave the house again for the next twenty-four hours. I’ve got a turkey to roast, mistletoe to hang, cookies to frost and a gingerbread house to put together. Even though it’ll only be me and Phoenix celebrating the holiday together, I still plan to create a winter wonderland that we’ll both always remember.

  I’m just mixing up the egg, heavy cream and bourbon to set in the fridge overnight for my famous eggnog when Phoenix sends me a text. Heading home with your present. I’m putting it in the garage so no peeking. I’ll see you in a few.

  Shit. Just my luck that he wants to use the garage. Your present is in there. Can you put it in the guest room?

  His response comes instantly. My present? I’m intrigued. Yeah, the GR will work. Don’t look when I walk through. And turn on the radio kinda loud. I’m almost home.

  The radio? Okay, now I’m intrigued. Why would he ask me to turn up the radio? He’s usually telling me to turn it down. Well, regardless, it’s keeping him out of the garage so I’m in. I crank up the Taylor Swift Christmas album on the surround sound and shake my ass around the kitchen as I begin mixing ingredients for peppermint bark.

  4

  Phoenix

  Admittedly, this might be a bad idea.

  We’re still a day away from Christmas morning, and I just picked up a puppy for JD. The shop owner assured me he’ll be fine with a piddle pad and some food and water, but I’m still worried. I figured the garage would be safe enough to hold him and keep him from getting into anything, but the guest bathroom might be better. At least the floor is durable so he can’t get hurt or hurt anything.

  The only thing I have to worry about is barking. According to the sales guy, this little Dachshund doesn’t bark. And since he’s been silent since I picked him up, I’m optimistic. I just need to sneak in every few hours to play with him and clean up the floor pads until tomorrow morning. As long as he’s quiet, I think I can keep this little guy a surprise from JD.

  Once I’ve got him settled into the guest room with the box of supplies I brought with me, I jump in the shower then head out to the kitchen. My sexy omega is piping a candy cane design onto sugar cookies...but I don’t pay any attention to the cookies.

  My full attention is on my man...wearing nothing but a jingle bell apron. He’s bent over the island, concentrating on his art. But my concentration is on those plump orbs of his ass and the present I know hiding within him. The tight channel just waiting for my cock to slip into.

  “I’m gonna start dripping if you stare any harder
.” JD doesn’t miss a beat as he keeps piping, but he gives his ass a little wiggle and a sheen of lube does slide down his thigh.

  “You want me, little omega?” I lower my sweats so my cock pops out the front as I step up to his back. “Cuz I can take you right here and you’ll be icing my cookies with your special sauce.”

  JD groans and steps back, planting his elbows on the counter so he’s braced for my intrusion. “Take me, alpha. Give it to me.”

  My hard cock finds his ass like they’re magnetically attracted, and I push into his eager opening. He’s so wet and warm and exactly what I need to start our Christmas celebration. I plan to fuck my omega all weekend, so this will be quick and fast. Especially since he feels so damn good. I only get a few minutes of pumping into him before I feel my balls draw tight with the early tingles of an orgasm.

  JD slams back against me, fucking my cock while he furiously strokes his dick with his sticky palm. “I’m so close, Phoenix. Just a little more.”

  I grab his hips and hold him tight against me so I can nail his prostate with each pulse as I drag out my climax, emptying my seed into his warmth. The warmth I wish I was creating a baby in.

  “Let go, JD. I want you to come for me.”

  JD quivers in my arms and lowers his forehead to the counter as he shoots his load onto the side of the cabinet. As my knot grows within him, he comes more, spurting every few seconds as if he’s riding a wave of several little orgasms.

  “Fuck that felt good.” He takes a deep breath and sits up as far as he can while I’m still attached. “But now I need to finish these.” He looks over his shoulder with a sheepish grin. “You don’t mind, do you?”